Stupid kid!

  We usually get a lot of dirty looks when I take Scout out in public. People will give them to me and to him. It's like, "You need to discipline your kid!" and "You're a bad kid!" It hurts my heart, especially when people speak harshly to him. I wish they understood that he really is doing his best. He makes noises-  loud, sometimes ear-splitting, and repetitive noises. He likes to touch people, and lately seems to be unable to keep himself from smacking girls on the butt. He gets upset and throws things. I understand completely why a lot of parents with special needs kids keep them at home most of the time. But that doesn't help Scout at all. It is a trial, but necessary for him to learn how to behave in public. 
  But there are always those people.
I got a button for Scout to wear when we go places. It says, "I'm not misbehaving. I have autism. Please be understanding." It has helped a great deal. When people read it, they do have more understanding, and we get a lot fewer mean looks. 
  But there are always those people.
We were at Oliver's track meet last Saturday (Way to go Oliver, beating both your prior records!), and Scout was getting more and more agitated, starting to throw dirt and rocks, getting in peoples' faces. We were getting the usual mix of patience and exasperation from people. It got to the point where I needed to hold onto him so he didn't cause trouble. I gave him to Bryce while I cleaned up our stuff, and I forgot to mention "Don't let go of him." (Bryce doesn't have as much practice with him in public as I do). Scout got away from Bryce and ran  for the long-jump pit as fast as he could go (which is much faster than Bryce or I can go). He jumped in the pit right as a girl jumped. She barely missed knocking him over. Scout, loving risk, thought that was pretty funny. As I headed to get him, I heard a woman say, "Stupid kid!" I turned and glared at her and saw her complaining to someone about the dumb kid getting in the way. After grabbing Scout, trying with all my strength to not tell the woman exactly what I thought of her, I said, "It's people like you that make our lives much more difficult!" As I kept walking toward the car, I thought of all the things I wanted to say to her, my body shaking with anger, tears coming to my eyes.
  After I calmed down, I realized that I made a mistake. I should have taken that opportunity to educate her. If a child with Down's Syndrome had done what Scout did, I'm sure she wouldn't have called him a "stupid kid." I should have said, "I know you can't tell by looking at him, but he doesn't think the way other kids do. Let me tell you what he's been through in his 5 short years on earth. He is autistic, which means that he  doesn't understand consequences and risks, among many other things. He has had 2 tumors taken out of his brain. He has a handful of seizures, sometimes more, a day. He has pain in his head from the scar tissue that grew from having the tumors out. So, maybe next time you open your mouth to call someone a "stupid kid", you should think first, and realize that even if you don't see the handicap, it's still there." 
  I know this won't be the last time there are those kind of people in our lives. It won't be the last time that people see Scout for his noise, his intrusion of space, his tornado-like energy. But I wish they could see all the fighting he's done, all the fighting he does daily. I wish they could see the magical smile that lights up everywhere he goes. I wish they could see how he's willing to try anything (even things he probably shouldn't!). I wish they knew how he will work on something he wants to learn to do for hours or days until he figures it out. I wish they could see his heart, that is bigger than anyone else's. I wish they could see he is doing the best he can.
 I wish they could see that he is an angel walking this earth. 
Even though there are days, and there are those people who make the days more painful, I thank God every day that I have Tiny Toli in my life. His smile makes it all worthwhile!